I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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