its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think your dad took our porno
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
