Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
