i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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