You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
