i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
