This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
