GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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