Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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