.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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