The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
