So drunk its hurt
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
