We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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