the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
