At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
