from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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