I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
