It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
