whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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