I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
