I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
