Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
