My balls are so social today.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
