you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
