dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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