We won't sleep together?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
