Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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