my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
