I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
