I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
