just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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