Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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