I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize