theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
