i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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