That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
