does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
