I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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