Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
