I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
