omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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