Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
