I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
