Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
