Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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