you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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