we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
