Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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