Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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