Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize