I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
