And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
