Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
