If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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