sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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