i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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