New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
