OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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