making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
