You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
