I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
