and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
