Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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