sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
