it was like eating out sand paper
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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