My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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