So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
