toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize