she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
