So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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