I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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