we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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