i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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