i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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