Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
