you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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