If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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