okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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