I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
