You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
