Define "chronic" masturbator.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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