You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
