i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize