Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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