Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
