When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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