I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
