with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
