actually, I'm a sock model
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
