I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You've changed since you got that strap on
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
