last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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