did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she smelled like a LAN party
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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