I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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