Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
