Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who died my cat blue again?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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